Once Upon A Bellarke
by blarker
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke receive an enchanted invite from their college friend, Ruby Red, to visit her home in Storybrooke, Maine over the summer. After being exposed to that summer's wackadoo plot line (c. Season 4 OUAT), Bellamy and Clarke resolve to help Ruby escape Storybrooke. But in the meantime, they have to navigate their new roommates: Killian Jones and the Charmings.


Thunder roared above as a singular car cruised a narrow one-way road to nowhere. Tiny droplets of rain spattered across the already foggy windshield. Clarke sighed inaudibly from the back of the car and shifted her gaze sidelong to the curly-haired man sitting next to her.

Bellamy Blake, whose acquaintance she'd made through a mutual college friend, Ruby, was hardly an ideal road trip pal. Clarke studied his freckled face, a frown permanently etched across his chiseled jaw. He'd scarcely said a word to her since they met a year ago; he often opted to leave friendly gatherings early rather than socialize with unknowns like Clarke. It was no surprise that he'd been silent the entire five hour Uber ride to Storybrooke, Maine. She released another silent breath of air through her teeth. His dark-brown eyes flashed over to her. She jumped a little, and turned back to the indiscernible shadows outside her window.

"I'm glad staring at me has provided you with some much-needed entertainment, Princess." she heard him sneer, and her heart stopped.

Her face was hot, but he wouldn't be able to see her in this darkness. Well, she might as well tell him what she was thinking if they were to spend a month in Ruby's hometown together. "I'm not staring. I was just wondering what you were doing on this trip." That came out wrong. "I mean…you aren't really the visit-college-friends-after-graduation type, y'know?" She couldn't see very well in the shadows, but it seemed as though her statement had raised his eyebrows ever-so-slightly.

After a short pause came his measured reply, "I don't have to prove myself to you." He turned back to his window adding, "Stop sighing so much. You're disturbing the peace," before plunging the car once more into rainy silence.

Clarke blinked twice, rolled her eyes, and looked down to her hands. In a flash of lightning, she caught sight of the piece of paper she'd forgotten was on her lap. "Make sure you bring this invitation to Storybrooke," it read multiple times. There were also numerous post-script additions of "DON'T FORGET THIS INVITIATION. LOVE YOU GUYS!" Maybe there would be a bouncer at the entrance to Storybrooke. Exclusivity was sexy these days.

"OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAA," the Uber driver, Ronathan, yelped, slamming his foot on the brakes. Clarke and Bellamy's faces smashed into the chairs in front as the car swerved to a screeching halt. Ronathan bolted out of the car to see if there was any damage to his "brand-new 'Mercedes'". After ensuring one another that their noses were not bleeding, the two passengers climbed out of the foggily-windowed car to join their distraught Uber driver in the downpour. As far as Clarke could tell, the car didn't have any _new_ scratches or dents. She searched for whatever could have caused Ronathan to lose control of the wheel, but there was nothing but dense forest on either side of the lonely road.

"Bellamy! Clarke! You two made it!" a pretty voice grabbed Clarke's attention. She looked up and saw a beautiful, tall woman standing in the wet darkness a few feet away from herself. Clarke's face burst into a wide smile as she ran towards Ruby, followed closely by Bellamy. As she got closer she could see Ruby wearing her signature bright red hoodie over her long dark hair, the hood eerily illuminated by the surrounding lightning.

No, not lightning. _Lights_.

There were lights!

And street lamps.

And quaint Mom and Pop Shops.

And a tall, white clock tower with boarded up windows.

And a mansion that seemed out of place.

This whole town was out of place. This whole town wasn't there two seconds ago. The car windows were foggy, sure, but…

Clarke looked back at the "Mercedes," her brows furrowed. Ronathan was yelling in desperation all around him, calling for her and Bellamy. She waved at him, but he was gazing right through her. She looked over at Bellamy, but he was busy ogling the spontaneous town. Clarke noted, briefly of course, that his biceps were pleasingly outlined by his wet t-shirt. Not that she cared.

Clarke turned back to Ruby and embraced her friend once more. It'd been two months since they'd last seen each other. Two months too long as far as Clarke was concerned.

"Um, what's wrong with Ronathan?" Bellamy's lazy voice interrupted Clarke's and Ruby's high-speed catch-up conversation.

"It's been two months, Bell. I don't get a hello, or even a snarky comment?" Ruby ignored Bellamy's inquiry and hugged him tightly. Ruby was just a few inches shorter than Bellamy, so her chin rested comfortably in the crook of his neck. Admittedly, in an alternate universe, they'd make a hot couple. Clarke shipped it. Grudgingly.

"Hi, Red. Sorry, I was a bit distracted by the Uber driver desperately shouting my name to the stars."

"Oh he can't see you. Or this town. Sorry Storybrooke's a bit weird that way. That's why you two needed that enchanted invitation to get in."

Clarke glanced down at the crumpled paper in her hand and snorted. Bellamy, too, chuckled at Ruby's joke.

* * *

Except, as it turned out, Red was _not_ joking. While leading her friends to her grandmother's diner, Red had flipped her hair long hair over her shoulder and launched into a long-winded explanation about the origin of Storybrooke complete with princesses, magic savior babies, Frankenstein, multiple amnestic episodes, and Elphaba from _Wicked_. It seemed like the kind of tall-tale that would start with "Once upon a time…" Either it was all true, or Storybrooke was a town full of deranged citizens.

Regardless, Bellamy had asked Red, through a mouth stuffed with delicious home-made pancakes, why she didn't just _leave_ the craziness behind.

"I did! That's why I went off to college," she'd exclaimed. "I'm so done participating in the nonsense that goes down here. But I missed Granny, so I came back to visit her, and when I did everyone had forgotten their memories again! And now, I can't get out because The Savior (who, if you remember, is now the Dark One) cursed the border of Storybrooke so no one could leave!"

"Riiiiight, so…" Clarke had said slowly between sips of coffee, her wavy blonde hair hanging over the back of her chair. "So…what if you just…walk out? What happens then? Spontaneous combustion?"

Red had shrugged. "Don't want to risk it. Emma don't mess. But don't worry about all that! We're totally gonna have a blast this summer. More pancakes?" And that was the end of their conversation about this town.

Before they'd parted ways to their respective sleeping arrangements (Red insisted that they sleep in the homes of trusted Storybrooke residents), Clarke had enclosed to Bellamy that she also had a hard time believing such riff raff but that there was no use in fighting it. It wouldn't make for an enjoyable vacation if they spent the whole month resisting the delusions of Storybrooke. And so it was that as he shook the hooked hand of his new roommate, Killian, Bellamy agreed to accept this long and hard-to-follow history of Storybrooke.

"It's good to meet you, mate. I've been missing a roommate since Swan gave in to the darkness," Killian struggled to unlock his apartment door with his not-hooked hand.

"Yeah. Right. Look, do you need help, man?" Bellamy asked, curiously checking out Killian's excessive eyeliner.

"I think I can unlock my door on my own, friend," Killian fumbled, trying to use his hook to reposition the key in his other hand.

Half an hour later, Bellamy followed behind his leather-clad (Leather! In the summer! Like from head to toe!) roommate into a shabby, dimly lit….apartment? It looked more like an extra-large broom closet with two cots smooshed against opposite walls and a Foreman grill plugged in in the back. There wasn't a bathroom in sight. Bellamy grumbled audibly. The things he did for Red.

"Care for some coffee, mate?" Killian inquired once Bellamy had made himself as comfortable as possible in such a dank environment.

"You mean like…just the creamer?" Bellamy ogled at Killian. "No thanks, man. I'm not that weird." Bellamy lied down on his uncomfortable cot, desperately resisting the urge to punch the wall next to him.

Killian chuckled. "No. I mean, care for some coffee, comma, mate. No one's that weird. Not even in Storybrooke."

Bellamy didn't laugh. It was going to be a long, long month.

* * *

Meanwhile, Clarke was settling in with her host family, the Charmings. In an attempt to stay true to their names, they spoke in happy-go-lucky tones, smiled too much, and repeated the mantra, "I will always find you," at inappropriate times. But then their voices would trail off into silence and they wouldn't meet one another's eyes, and watching this, Clarke would shift her weight awkwardly on the couch next to their grandson, Henry. Henry, who was their _grandson_ ,even though Snow Mary White Margaret and Prince David James Charming both couldn't be older than 30 years old. Henry, who was twelve years old, even though he looked, sounded and smelled as though puberty was a familiar friend to him. Henry, who was the son of Emma The Black Swan Savior. Which made Emma The Dark Savior One the 30-year-old couple's 30-year-old daughter.

But that was okay—Clarke squirmed again, looking over at Henry; she would believe all of this for the sake of Ruby. She nodded to herself as the Charmings dove into another round of "I will always find you" before showing her up to her room. Which evidently was a room she'd be sharing with Henry. Because he was just a twelve-year-old with a beard and body odor and a voice that rumbled at such a low frequency that her ears rung. But it wasn't weird. Because he was just a child.

"Henry will be _so_ excited to have you as a roommate!" Snowy Margwhite squealed. "He's been missing his mom since she went evil, and you look a lot like her what with your blonde hair and blue eyes and leading-lady demeanor. He also likes watching _Orange is the New Black_ because Piper has the same _je ne sais quoi_ as you and Emma."

Henry winked at Clarke. "I like blonde white girls. And so does American television."

Clarke grimaced, said goodnight to her host family, and pushed past Henry into his room. She climbed onto the top bunk and hid under the covers, pretending to be asleep until all was silent. Then, she released a final huff of breath before flopping over onto her side and falling asleep. Tomorrow, she would wake up, and all this craziness would still be happening because life just never turns out to be a dream. That would be too easy.

* * *

"Rise and shine, Clarke!" Snary Margaret's overly cheerful voice dragged Clarke into the waking world. Clarke groaned and crawled off the top bunk. Twenty minutes later she joined the Charmings in their kitchen. Henry was eating a bowl of Lucky Charms and playing the games on the box while simultaneously shaving his beard. His grandparents were arguing in hushed tones, but as soon as they saw Clarke they burst into fake smiles and offered her chocolate chip pancakes.

"Hey, so..Clarke," Snow leaned over the countertop, her face too close to Clarke's. "In this house we kind of like to clean together, so after you're done eating, do you think you could take out the trash?"

Clarke glanced at the overflowing kitchen trash can. Surely, no one had changed that thing for weeks—Clarke had only been there one day! She turned back to Snow. "Are you serious?"

Snow's face stretched into a grotesque grin. "It's just the way we do things here. Y'know—working together and all that!" She chuckled, and Clarke gagged on her pancakes.

* * *

Meanwhile, Bellamy was walking down the streets of Storybrooke with Killian in an attempt to find a restroom to use.

They passed a library. "How about there?" Bellamy really had to pee.

Killian shook his head. "Nah, mate, trust me it's too quiet in there."

They passed a mansion. "That place looks like it has soft towels," Bellamy was going to pee his pants.

Killian grunted. "Aye, but Swan has made that place her new luxury hideout. Somehow I don't think she'd let me do my business in there."

They passed Granny's diner. Bellamy should have used the bathroom there last night when he had the chance. He looked hopefully at his pirate friend. Killian just shook his head again, and they continued walking.

They stopped at a rundown antique shop. "This is it," Killian grinned widely. "The crocodile's den. Best place to relieve yourself. Make sure you miss the toilet on purpose, mate."

* * *

Having done their business in an unconscious Rumplestiltskin's antique shop (an act that felt wrong on so many levels), Bellamy and Killian made their way over to Granny's diner. Apparently, there was to be a town meeting at the diner, but when Bellamy and Killian got there, Red was the only one inside.

"Hi Bell! Did you sleep well?" Red smiled at the sight of him.

Bellamy plopped down on one of the bar stools, but before he could say anything about the state of Killian's apartment, Killian slapped Bellamy's shoulder with his unhooked hand, "We had a great time, didn't we mate!" Red laughed and handed them both mugs of coffee. Killian took a large swig of hot coffee, winking at Bellamy.

Bellamy stared at the spot where Killian had touched him, "Aye, matey" he sneered. "Was the best land-lubbing sea fare I've had in all my travels arrrgggh." Bellamy groaned inwardly as soon as the words left his mouth.

Killian's spit a mouthful of coffee back into his cup. "Argh, you making fun of me, mate?" He lifted his hook to Bellamy's face, but in that second, Clarke and her roommates walked into the diner.

"Oh thank god you're here," Bellamy jumped up to greet Clarke. Clarke seemed taken aback by his sudden approach, but Bellamy was so glad to see someone normal.

"We need to talk. Come sit with me," Clarke grabbed Bellamy's hand and pulled him over to a booth in the back. The young woman Clarke was staying with called after them cheerfully, "Okay we'll be here if you need us!"

Bellamy rubbed his hand and sat down. Clarke was glaring past him at the back of the dark-haired woman's head. "Oh, I hate that Snow Mary White Charming." Her pale blue eyes were filled with glower.

Bellamy looked back at the Charmings. "What? She looks nice."

Clarke scoffed, "I feel so bad for David James. No way that relationship's going to last. Did you know they have a baby? I didn't learn that till this morning when Snary asked me to change its gross diaper. While I was eating breakfast! But where's the baby now? It just disappears sometimes?!"

"Okay, you get to live with a nice family with 1.5 children. I have to live with a leather-clad pirate in his 10 square-foot apartment."

Bellamy and Clarke delved into long and frustrated descriptions of their roommates. In the end, they came to the conclusion that they both had it worse, and that everyone in this town was batshit crazy.

"We need to get Ruby out of here," Clarke demanded. She was pretty when she was determined. Bellamy stared at his hand before responding in the affirmative.

Just then, a large gaggle of Storybrooke citizens gathered into the diner. It seemed as though every person who played even a minor role in the town was there.

Red walked over to their booth, and Clarke scooted over to make room for her.

"What's going on?" Clarke asked.

"Townhall meeting's about to start." Red explained that Granny's diner was the rendezvous point where the whole town met to plot against their short-lived enemies. The subject of today's meeting was "Emma: Friend or Foe?"

A short and angry-looking man began yelling about using mining to create underground tunnels with which they could escape Storybrooke. Killian said something piratey about having tried that before. Then a very attractive dark-haired woman called Killian "Captain Guyliner," and Bellamy pocketed that one for later use. Then Clarke's annoying roommate stood up and said something about hope and love bringing Emma back to the light. Bellamy shared a look with Clarke.

Then the sky went dark, and the building started shaking. Bellamy and Clarke both nearly jumped out of their seats, but Red sipped her coffee, undeterred by the sudden storm. Even when the windows shattered, Red didn't seem to care.

"Chill, guys. Happens all the time. Just means Emma's about to make an entrance."

Then in the doorway, the figure of a woman appeared, illuminated by a dramatic burst of lightning. Somewhere in the room, a baby cried—though Bellamy distinctly remembered the Charmings _not_ bringing their baby with them. The woman stepped into the diner, and the lights flickered on. She was dressed in a skin-tight leather suit. She'd be hot, except her hair was phony-white. It looked like she'd used an excessive amount of dry shampoo to achieve this look.

"Really, guys?" the woman, who Bellamy assumed was Emma Swan, spoke menacingly. "I _know_ you guys have all your meetings here. Get a new HQ." And with that she left.

Killian ran out the door after her. "Swan, wait," he called. But then she was disapparated or something. Killian returned to the diner, dejected, comforted by Mr. Nopersonality Charming.

"Welp. It's been real. It's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun," Bellamy stood up, smiling at his outdated and hackneyed joke.

"What, where are you going?!" Clarke called after him.

"Away from you," Bellamy replied as he stepped out the door, chuckling again at his own wit. Clarke probably thought that was funny. Not that he cared, though.

* * *

As the days passed, Clarke would meet up with Bellamy (and the rest of the town) in Ruby's grandmother's diner each morning. Ruby would join them in her breaks, and together they would all marvel at the crazy schemes the townspeople came up with to combat Emma. And every day, Emma would make a grand entrance and aggravate the townspeople. And every day, Henry would say "MOM!" and Regina, (who used to be evil?), would reply, "Yes, dear?" And every goddamned day, Snary White would glare at Regina and say, "Well, he wasn't talking to you obviously." And every day, the Town Hall meeting would erupt into an argument until it fizzled into awkward goodbyes and "I will always find you"s.

When Ruby was working, Bellamy would complain about his emotionally constipated roommate, Captain Hook. Clarke would respond with her own complaints about her grown-ass adult male roommate who was still in middle school, and the awkward lack of chemistry between his grandparents, but above all else, Clarke would rant about the horror of living with Snow White.

Two days after Clarke had arrived, Snow insisted that Clarke help pay for groceries. The next day, Snow White used up all the toilet paper to wipe her tears after crying to Clarke about Emma and how she felt she and David were growing apart. Then Snary texted everyone saying "Hey, can we be a little bit more conscious about our toilet paper use! Thanks guys!"

When they weren't complaining about their respective roommates, Clarke and Bellamy would think of any possible way to get Ruby out of Storybrooke, but everyone insisted it was impossible to leave.

"I still vote we just walk out," Bellamy told Clarke one morning over the shouts of Henry insisting that he could write a fanfiction AU in which his mom wasn't evil, and it would save them all. "I mean, what's the worst that can happen? They take away our memories? I'd gladly forget this place."

Clarke contemplated this, absentmindedly eyeing Bellamy's biceps. "You know, I've asked around, and the only people who are saying we can't leave are the ones who have never actually tried. There's this guy Robin Hood, and he said he left and got Regina's sister pregnant."

Bellamy nodded. "Sounds like the proper soap opera shit to happen. And Killian told me he's left to save that Dark Savior lady before."

"Okay so we're agreed, then? We'll leave tomorrow." They shook on it. Clarke thought the handshake lingered a little longer than it needed too, but she wasn't complaining.

* * *

That night, Bellamy sat on his cot, listening to Captain Killian Hooked Jones lament his broken relationship with the Evil Swan Savior.

"Emma's the only one I've ever really loved other than myself and Rumplestiltskin's wife. Also Neil a little bit, but Emma doesn't like to talk about him." Killian was lying on his back, talking to the ceiling, occasionally looking over at Bellamy for reassurance.

Bellamy nodded, putting on his best "I'm listening" face.

"I just wish Emma would love me," Killian whimpered a little. "You know how long it took her to say _The Words_ to me, mate? Aye, I had to fake die before she said it!"

Bellamy, now curious, raised his eyebrows. "Dude. Maybe you should, I dunno, move on? Plenty of fish in the sea."

Killian jumped across the tiny room, landing on Bellamy's cot. He grabbed Bellamy by his collar and raised his hook to Bellamy's face as he so often did, "Don't you ever call Emma a fish. She's a beautiful swan and I love her and we're going to be together forever okay? We are Captain Swan! The whole goddamned town ships us. More than they ship Bellarke, so you shut your mouth." Killian's face contorted into one of pain and wretchedness. "You shut your mouth…" Killian whispered, sobbing quietly. Bellamy looked around for some sort of escape, but to no avail. Then, Killian hugged Bellamy, and began weeping into his shoulder. "EMMA, WHY?" he wailed.

Bellamy awkwardly patted Killian's back. "It's okay, man. I'm sorry I said that fish thing. Don't move on. Captain Swan is my OTP. Alright?"

His face still buried in Bellamy's chest, Killian nodded, wiping tears and snot all over Bellamy's shirt. This continued for a few more minutes, and then Killian lifted his head, breathing unevenly and hiccupping, "We're cool, mate. You're a good lad. Good lad."

Bellamy wished with all his might that leaving the town's borders would magically erase all and any memories of Storybrooke, Maine.

* * *

"Hey, Clarke! Do you want to hang out tonight? Just us girls?" Snow White smiled obnoxiously.

Clarke pretended she didn't hear, and continued texting Bellamy furiously. She only had a few more hours with the Charmings and then she, Bellamy, and Ruby would walk right out of this shitstorm. She just had to wait until Ruby got off work.

Snow, persistent as ever, waved her hands in front of Clarke. "Hey, girl! Did you hear what I said?" Clarke almost slapped that smile right off her disgusting face.

"No, sorry I didn't," Clarke said bluntly, still staring at her phone.

"Well, I wanna hang out with you tonight! Just me and you. And Henry, because I just don't think he's old enough to stay home alone."

"No, sorry, I have plans tonight." Plans to never see Snow again.

Snow's smile faltered ever-so-slightly, but then she was back, grinning wider than ever. "What are you doing tonight? Hanging out with that cute friend of yours?"

Clarke didn't answer.

"You know, he and Ruby aren't a thing, if you were wondering."

"I wasn't."

"Well, I asked. For your sake, of course. And she said they never went out and it was never a thing that crossed their minds. So I think you should go for it!" Snow pushed Clarke playfully.

Clarke grumbled softly.

"Excuse me?" Snow's smile wavered again, but this time it was more obvious.

Clarke took a deep breath and closed her eyes, counting to ten.

"Clarke. Are you okay? You can tell me _anything_. What's on your mind?" Snow put her hand on Clarke's shoulder.

"I'm going to take a nap." Clarke stood up and walked briskly to Henry's room.

Two hours later, she walked downstairs to the sounds of Snow and David arguing about something ridiculous.

"Honestly, David! You have to _rinse_ the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher!"

"The point of the dish _washer_ is to _wash_ the dishes for you, Mary Margaret."

" _You know I hate that name, Charming!_ "

"And my name's not even really Charming!"

Clarke seized this opportunity to sneak out the front door, but Henry called after her, giving her away. She groaned and turned around, forcing a pleasant smile.

"Hey, Clarke, where you headed?" Henry walked over, standing too close to her.

Clarke backed out the door, and shouted, "Town border. I'm leaving, goodbye forever Charmings!" She slammed the door behind her, but not before hearing three dramatic gasps.

* * *

Clarke sprinted to the town border, ecstatic at the prospect of never returning. Bellamy and Ruby were at the town's boundary. She hugged her friends, "Ready, guys?"

Bellamy nodded immediately, but Ruby hesitated slightly. "I don't know, you guys," she spoke. "I don't think this'll work."

Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other; they'd figured this would happen. But Plan B was to carry Ruby across the border, regardless. Bellamy was about to lift Ruby, but then they were interrupted by a sound Clarke had hoped to never hear again—Snow Mary White Margaret's chirping voice.

"What do you kids think you're doing?!" She came sprinting, followed by David and Henry. "You can't just _leave_. It's just not how things are done here!"

Clarke had had enough of this bitch. She pulled out a knife that she didn't know was in her pocket and stabbed Snary.

After a tense silence, David was the first to speak. "OH MY GOD THANK YOU YOU SAVED ME I LOVE YOU CLARKE."

Henry clapped Clarke on the shoulder. "Nice," he winked creepily at her.

Then Emma Swan appeared, her hair blonde instead of dry-shampooed. She was wearing a brown leather jacket and a really cute blouse tucked into her jeans. She looked so different from before. She smiled at Clarke and walked towards her.

Clarke grabbed her knife, ready to stab Snow White's daughter. But then, Emma Swan hugged Clarke.

"You saved me! The darkness was my mother the whole time. How can I ever repay you, Clarke?"

What the fuck? "Um…I guess you could let us leave?"

Emma laughed loudly. "You could have left whenever you wanted. I just told everyone they couldn't. These idiots will believe anything. I also told them they'd lost their memories, just to wreak havoc on their minds."

Clarke looked over and Bellamy and Ruby, and they both shrugged. "Well, okay then. See you, Storybrooke."

Clarke grabbed Bellamy and Ruby's hands, and together they walked out of Storybrooke, Maine. And nothing happened to them.


End file.
